Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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