yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
