Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
