Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
