I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize