dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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