is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
