After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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