i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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