Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
