see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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