her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
