im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
