I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
