I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
