I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
