The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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