the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
