so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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