somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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