can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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