I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
