We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
