I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
