could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
