The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
