remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
