i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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