i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ladies don't puke and tell
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
