Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
