I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
