Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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