I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
