Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
