I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
