The maid of honor just puked.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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