Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
