ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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