i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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