im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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