I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
