dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
