Soap is not a condiment
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
