O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
