I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
