I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
