I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
