Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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