i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
