Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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