Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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