YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
