He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
