I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
