hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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