yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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