And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
