She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
