i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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