I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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