Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
