have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
