so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
