I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I want a musical about memes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
