the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
