and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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