i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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