Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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