I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
