i just had sex bonerless
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
