the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
