when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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