ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
