You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
