so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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