her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
