I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
