So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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