This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
