I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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