True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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