you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
