ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
