why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
