What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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