it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
