that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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